An explanation why we are going to be in hiding for a couple of months: We'll be living a very quiet life with limited trips out and few
visitors in for a little while. Social workers and psychologists tell us
that when children are first adopted, they may be overwhelmed, scared,
and nervous. By keeping our lives very boring at first, we'll be helping
Lila feel safe. This does NOT mean that we do not want visitors coming
to see our little one for the first time, it just may be a month or so after her arrival home. I know a number of people are
planning to meet us at the airport when we arrive home. That will be
wonderful and touching for us to see so many familiar and supportive
faces when we arrive. ( If you want our flight information please
message me or contact a close friend of ours ) We do not want family to
stay away from us. We just can't pass our new baby around for everyone
to hold a lot and we will have to be mindful of overloading with new
things and people. We know you'll all want to hug, kiss and help spoil
sweet Lila ( and we are thankful for that!) , but it is recommended that
we be the only ones to do that at first to improve her chances of
attaching strongly to us. Until we feel our child has attached and
clearly knows we are her parents, we will need to feed, change and take
care of her. I know that missing out on some diaper changes will
disappoint many of you. Have no fear; there will be many more once she
becomes comfortable at home. :)
We are thinking a lot about the people around us and how much our lives are going to change. Family has always been important to us. We are so fortunate to have such loving, involved family and friends. We appreciate the support and excitement that you have all shown to us along the way. We can't wait to bring Lila home!
Over the last 2 years we have done a lot of reading, research, training, and asked a lot of other adoptive parents about this process and we feel prepared to help Lila become a well-adapted member of our family. There are some things about adoptive parenting that are the same as parenting a biological child, but there is much that is very different. Through our adoption agency, the UAB International Adoption Clinic, books, other adoptive parents, adoption social workers, psychologists and more, we have learned that Lila needs a specific type of environment and parenting when she first comes home in order to feel safe and secure and to learn how to be a Golightly. :)
While we know that every child is different, we also understand that there are many possible things that will impact our child's beliefs and behavior when she gets home. These include how much nurturing she has received, if there was abuse or neglect, the amount and quality of food received, illnesses, the quality of care and our child's unique temperament and personality. The result of these things can include behavioral issues emotional disorders and a sense of grief and loss from being separated from the only home and caregivers Lila has ever known. We have heard wonderful things about her orphanage, and are blessed to have videos and pictures seeing her with smiles, etc. However bringing her home is going to be a traumatic and scary event for her. She is being removed from all of her routines and familiar surroundings. Even babies feel grief and sadness at an event like this. In order to help Lila feel safe and learn that we are her parents and Grace is her sister, we are creating the type of environment that will help promote security during this stressful time.
When she gets home, at the recommendation of experienced adoption professionals, we need to implement specific parenting approaches to help encourage a strong, attached, emotionally healthy family member. Our child needs to learn that we're the parents. She needs to feel nurtured and safe. She will not be used to having parents to love and care for her.
As strange as it may seem, adopted children who act very outgoing and affectionate with strangers is NOT a healthy thing. It is called "indiscriminate affection" and can mean that they haven't really attached to anyone. It would not be a good sign that Lila has attached to us if during her first months home she will let just anyone take her and hold her without searching for her mom or dad.
For sure it is going to be a weird and wonderful experience for us. We are so excited and can't wait to bring her home so you can all see her and get to know her. Things are just a little different when you are adopting a baby rather than having a biological child. She will be adapting to a lot of new things . . . new parents, new family, new home, new foods, new time zone (totally opposite what she's used to). That's a lot to swallow at one time.
We appreciate your understanding in reading this. We are sharing this so you will understand that we aren't trying to push anyone away! We are dedicated and committed in helping our Lila adjust and adapt during this stressful time in her life. We feel confident that everything will smooth out quickly and we will be on a more normal schedule. And of course, I will share pictures along the way via FB.
Kelly Akers has sweetly set up a meal calendar and if you would like to be a part of that here is the link: http://www.TakeThemAMeal.com/
We are so close!! Much love to each of you! We are so thankful for all of your love and support!
We are thinking a lot about the people around us and how much our lives are going to change. Family has always been important to us. We are so fortunate to have such loving, involved family and friends. We appreciate the support and excitement that you have all shown to us along the way. We can't wait to bring Lila home!
Over the last 2 years we have done a lot of reading, research, training, and asked a lot of other adoptive parents about this process and we feel prepared to help Lila become a well-adapted member of our family. There are some things about adoptive parenting that are the same as parenting a biological child, but there is much that is very different. Through our adoption agency, the UAB International Adoption Clinic, books, other adoptive parents, adoption social workers, psychologists and more, we have learned that Lila needs a specific type of environment and parenting when she first comes home in order to feel safe and secure and to learn how to be a Golightly. :)
While we know that every child is different, we also understand that there are many possible things that will impact our child's beliefs and behavior when she gets home. These include how much nurturing she has received, if there was abuse or neglect, the amount and quality of food received, illnesses, the quality of care and our child's unique temperament and personality. The result of these things can include behavioral issues emotional disorders and a sense of grief and loss from being separated from the only home and caregivers Lila has ever known. We have heard wonderful things about her orphanage, and are blessed to have videos and pictures seeing her with smiles, etc. However bringing her home is going to be a traumatic and scary event for her. She is being removed from all of her routines and familiar surroundings. Even babies feel grief and sadness at an event like this. In order to help Lila feel safe and learn that we are her parents and Grace is her sister, we are creating the type of environment that will help promote security during this stressful time.
When she gets home, at the recommendation of experienced adoption professionals, we need to implement specific parenting approaches to help encourage a strong, attached, emotionally healthy family member. Our child needs to learn that we're the parents. She needs to feel nurtured and safe. She will not be used to having parents to love and care for her.
As strange as it may seem, adopted children who act very outgoing and affectionate with strangers is NOT a healthy thing. It is called "indiscriminate affection" and can mean that they haven't really attached to anyone. It would not be a good sign that Lila has attached to us if during her first months home she will let just anyone take her and hold her without searching for her mom or dad.
For sure it is going to be a weird and wonderful experience for us. We are so excited and can't wait to bring her home so you can all see her and get to know her. Things are just a little different when you are adopting a baby rather than having a biological child. She will be adapting to a lot of new things . . . new parents, new family, new home, new foods, new time zone (totally opposite what she's used to). That's a lot to swallow at one time.
We appreciate your understanding in reading this. We are sharing this so you will understand that we aren't trying to push anyone away! We are dedicated and committed in helping our Lila adjust and adapt during this stressful time in her life. We feel confident that everything will smooth out quickly and we will be on a more normal schedule. And of course, I will share pictures along the way via FB.
Kelly Akers has sweetly set up a meal calendar and if you would like to be a part of that here is the link: http://www.TakeThemAMeal.com/
We are so close!! Much love to each of you! We are so thankful for all of your love and support!
